Tyler stared into the kitchen sink, head tilted to the side as he got further and further into his own head. Skylar was gone. He’d been adamant about that stupid off-season training session, and he’d just left. Tyler asked him not to go, but Skylar had all but begged Tyler to let it go. Just relax. I’ll only be gone for two hours at the most.
As if it were that easy. If Tyler could just relax when Skylar wasn’t around, there wouldn’t be a problem! Letting out a slow breath, Tyler lifted his right hand and placed it over his heart. His eyes ticked to the clock hanging on the wall beside the stove, watching the little hand move as the seconds ticked by.
Fifteen beats per minute. His heart was slower now. Maybe he truly was dying all over again. It had been a few weeks since he’d taken his vitals. Maybe things had drastically changed and he had been too preoccupied to notice. Ten breaths per minute. That was about the same. Temperature 94.9. Pretty stable, he supposed.
His eyes zeroed in on the knife set sitting on the counter just a few feet away. Without thinking, he reached for it, pulling out the largest carving knife in the whole block. His eyes trailed over the smooth silver blade, almost mesmerized. He wanted to know if he still felt no pain.
Curiosity getting the best of him, Tyler gripped the countertop with his left hand before he plunged the knife into his left shoulder. Nothing. Blood trickled down his chest, but he felt nothing. All the feeling that was left inside him was currently being centered in his heart – he was sure of it. Because just like every other time Skylar wasn’t around, Tyler could only feel the deep, crippling ache in his chest to remind him that his brother had chosen someone else over him once again.
**~~**
“What the hell is happening to my brother?” Skylar demanded before Venus could even exit from her spot hidden behind the tree. He’d seen the glowing green eyes staring at him from the distance, and he was in no mood to play her games today. He’d told Tyler that he was going to his off-season practice, but in reality, he’d come to Tyler’s grave. To see Venus. Because for some reason, she was always there. Just waiting for him.
A small, unsettling smile came to Venus’ lips as she walked toward Skylar. “Good morning to you, too, Skylar Briggs,” she greeted, completely ignoring the heat in his voice. “You’re out of the cabin bright and early.” She circled around him, like a shark stalking its next meal. “Does your brother know that you’re out?”
Anger rising, threatening to boil over, Skylar turned on Venus. “Don’t fuck with me right now,” he warned. “I came here to get answers. Not to play these stupid mind games that you seem to get off on. Tell me what is happening to Tyler!”
Completely unfazed by Skylar’s outburst, Venus shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she answered. “I haven’t seen Tyler since he whisked you away to that cabin. He doesn’t come around much now.”
Again, Skylar felt his anger threatening to explode. “He doesn’t do much of anything these days unless it involves me,” he ground out. “He can barely even be in the same room with me without begging to be closer. He’s spiraling! And I need you to tell me what to do. How do I fix this?!”
Moving faster than any human had the right to do, Venus closed the distance between herself and Skylar. Their noses were almost touching as she hissed, “You can’t!” Her eyes burned brighter, the vibrant green contrasting perfectly with her red, fiery curls. “Tyler isn’t something that needs to be fixed, Skylar. He is a person. With needs. And desires.”
Deep down, Skylar knew Tyler wasn’t something to fix. He wasn’t some project – he was his brother. But at the same time, he couldn’t accept that Tyler was just like this now. He couldn’t keep doing this. Something needed to change. “I know he’s a person,” he spat. “But he’s…different. His whole world is narrowed down to one thing. Me. And I can’t be there for him all of the time. Not like he needs me to be. I just…I need to know how to manage this.”
“Manage this?” Venus repeated. Now, she was becoming angry. “He isn’t some toy that you can just toss away when it doesn’t work the way you want it to work. You did this to him. He didn’t ask for this. You couldn’t handle being alone. And now, what? You can’t handle being with him? You don’t get to stand in the middle of this and pretend it’s controllable.”
Her eyes stayed locked on his. There was a fire deep within them, letting Skylar know he’d touched a nerve. But there was also something else in those eyes that he couldn’t interpret. Sadness – understanding, maybe? “You don’t get to take what he gives you when it’s convenient and then step back when it doesn’t suit you. That isn’t how this works. That isn’t how any of this works.”
And just like that, the guilt started creeping in. Because maybe that’s what he was doing – taking from Tyler when it suited him and then pulling away when it didn’t. Tyler had been through so much because of him. And when it was his turn to give back, what had he done? Gotten upset and freaked out over a few touches? What a damn coward. “I don’t…know how much more I can handle,” he admitted, feeling vulnerable.
The scoff that escaped Venus surprised Skylar. “How do you think Tyler feels?” she asked, taking a step back once more. “He doesn’t know what’s happening to him. He doesn’t understand why his body is all of a sudden feeling and acting the way that it is.” Slowly, she started circling Skylar once more. “Do you think he wants to feel this way? He isn’t doing this to hurt you. He’s doing this because of you.”
Realization suddenly dawned on Skylar as Venus circled him like prey. “This happened to you,” he breathed. The words didn’t feel like his own at first. Venus. Tyler. The way her eyes glowed. The complete lack of personal space. The way she moved. The way she spoke like she already knew what this was.
His stomach tightened. She’s like him. Not metaphorically. Not vaguely. Like him. “Who brought you back? How did you manage the way you were feeling? Please…help me? For Tyler’s sake.”
Bright, glowing green eyes met Skylar’s, sadness deep within them. “My best friend,” she answered. A small, sad smile came to her lips as she stared off into the forest, lost in her memories. “I committed suicide after being relentlessly bullied by bigots at school. She found this ritual, and she used it to bring me back.”
Vaguely, Skylar remembered reading something about that in the research Venus had given him. But that was one of the success stories – hadn’t it been? “The two of you moved on to teach together, didn’t you? I-I remember reading about that. It was a success story!”
A wide smile came to Venus’ lips when Skylar spoke. “We did,” she congratulated. “And we got married. Had that cabin in the woods together. Just the two of us.” Tears came to her eyes at the memory, but she refused to let them fall. “She was my entire world.”
“Was?” Skylar asked, not missing the way Venus spoke about her in the past tense. If her wife was gone now, at least this confirmed one thing. Venus had been able to move on even with her gone. So, if Skylar ended up needing to leave, Tyler might be okay. Sure, Venus was a little strange, but she was alive. “What happened to her?”
Venus slowly allowed her eyes to meet Skylar’s once more. “Suicide,” she answered. “She was my entire world. She was everything to me. She became the center of my world.” A single tear slid down her cheek as she continued, “My attachment became stronger every day. Until one day, she couldn’t take it anymore. The letter she left said that I was suffocating her. She bled out in the bathtub. I couldn’t save her.”
Quickly, Venus wiped the tear off her face, using more force than was really necessary. “Now I live without her every day. I lost my world because she didn’t want to live in one without me. Because she was selfish.” Turning away from Skylar, Venus added, “Let’s hope you don’t share those same feelings. For Tyler’s sake.” With that, Venus stalked off into the woods, disappearing among the trees as if she had never been there.
Unable to look away, Skylar merely stared at the spot Venus had recently vacated long after she was gone. He’d come here looking for answers – trying to find a way to fix his brother. But now, he felt more lost than when he’d originally come out here.
**~~**
The familiar sound of the key rattling in the doorknob had Tyler’s eyes snapping to the door. In one swift movement, Tyler was off the ground and moving toward the door. “Skylar,” he greeted when his brother closed the door, a wide smile on his lips. “I missed you.” A deep frown came to his lips when he looked at his brother’s face, however. The other man looked like he had been crying.
Slowly, Tyler reached up with his right hand, fingers gently pressing against Skylar’s chin to keep their eye contact. “Are you okay?” he asked, panic clear in his voice. “You look like you’ve been crying.”
“I’m fine,” Skylar immediately reassured him, plastering on his most convincing smile. However, that smile immediately fell when he saw the large gash on Tyler’s shoulder. Quickly, Skylar pushed Tyler’s hand away from his chin, his hand moving to grip Tyler’s right shoulder and his left bicep, maneuvering the other man’s arm so he could get a better look at the wound. “Jesus Christ, Ty, what happened?!”
For a moment, Tyler could only focus on the feeling of Skylar’s hands on his body. His skin tingled where his brother touched him, nipples hardening as gooseflesh broke out over his bare chest. “I–” he started, blinking slowly as he tried to clear his head. “I needed to know for sure.”
Brows knit in confusion, Skylar shook his head. “Know what for sure?” he demanded. His eyes scoured over the wound, checking for any signs of infection, though he honestly wasn’t sure if that was even a threat right now. Tyler was the one with medical knowledge, not him. Gently, he pressed two fingers all around the wound, checking for any discharge or worsening redness. “What happened?”
This felt really good. Part of him knew this shouldn’t feel good, but it did. Skylar was obviously concerned, but Tyler was fine. Confused, Tyler answered, “I did it.” Almost immediately, he knew he’d messed up by telling Skylar the truth. But he didn’t want this moment to end. “I was just testing myself again,” he tried to explain. “I’m fine. I promise.”
“Testing yourself?” Skylar asked, his frown deepening. The conversation he had with Venus rang through his head, making him wonder if this was somehow his fault for leaving. For lying? “Here, come sit down,” he instructed, leading Tyler to the couch. “What were you testing? What are you talking about?”
He was trying to focus, but Skylar was making it so damn hard. His hands were all over him, touching him and taking care of him. Tyler could barely think. “Can I touch you?” Tyler asked, completely ignoring the questions coming from his brother.
Irritation tingled under his skin. “Later,” Skylar snapped, gripping his brother’s chin and forcing him to lock gazes once more. “Pay attention. Why did you hurt yourself? Is this some kind of new way of testing your body’s responses to things?” He could see Tyler’s eyes starting to drift once more, so he snapped his fingers to get his attention. “What were you testing?” he asked once more, making sure to emphasize every word.
Later. It wasn’t a no, he supposed. Before he could focus too much on timing, his brother was in his face again, demanding answers. “Pain,” he finally answered. “I don’t feel it. I haven’t since I got back. Just…in my chest when you’re gone.”
Well, that was a little detail Tyler had left out when he was explaining how his body operated now. “You don’t feel pain?” he asked, almost unable to comprehend that. “At all? Ever?” He frowned when his brother merely shook his head.
Slowly, Tyler reached for Skylar’s hand, pulling it away from his shoulder and pressing his palm flat against his ribcage – right over his heart. “Only here,” he reminded softly. “When you leave, it feels like someone is reaching into my chest and trying to rip my heart out. But it’s better now that you’re back.”
Skylar didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. Tyler had been keeping this from him – and it was big. Of course, he didn’t know if his brother had intentionally left that detail out, or if it had just slipped his mind. “You need to tell me these kinds of things,” Skylar softly chastised. “I need to know everything, Ty, remember? You promised.”
Scooting further to the edge of the couch, Tyler’s grip on his brother’s wrist tightened a bit so he couldn’t pull away. “I know,” he assured the other man. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep it from you. I just didn’t think about it. I don’t usually think about it. I just know that it was a symptom. So, I wanted to make sure it was still there. It was just for experimental purposes. I wasn’t trying to upset you.”
The fact that Tyler’s main concern in this situation was upsetting Skylar was tragic. He had a gaping wound in his shoulder, and he was worried about how Skylar was going to react. “You need to keep this clean and dry,” he explained, though he knew his brother didn’t need instructions. “If you get an infection, we can’t just stop at the pharmacy and pick up medication.”
Movements still slow, almost as if he were hearing Skylar under water, Tyler nodded. “I know,” he assured his brother. “I am the pre-med student, remember? You’re pre-law.” Biting into his bottom lip, Tyler whispered, “But your medical knowledge is pretty extensive. You actually pay attention when I talk to you about school?”
“Of course I do,” Skylar answered. “I’m not an asshole – I don’t ignore you.” This was unacceptable. He couldn’t have Tyler hurting himself in the name of experimentation. “Jesus, you scared the hell out of me,” Skylar breathed, feeling like he could finally relax now that the threat to Tyler was contained. “Listen, this can’t happen again. You’re not going to turn yourself into some science project, okay? Stop doing experiments on yourself. You can take your vitals and stuff – that’s not going to hurt you. But no more pain tests. Not like this. Ever. Okay? Promise me. No more experiments.”
Without hesitation, Tyler nodded. “I promise,” he immediately answered, not caring what he was agreeing to in the moment. Skylar was touching him – allowing him to touch back – and that’s all Tyler could really focus on right now. Everything else could wait until later because this felt too good to not revel in.
This was exhausting. Skylar wasn’t even sure which way was up anymore. All he could think about was his conversation with Venus. There was no escape here. He was Tyler’s whole world. The ritual had made sure to take the brotherly love and the way Tyler felt about Skylar and twist it into something unrecognizable. And Skylar was left to pick up the pieces.
Because he had to. Because he’d done this. Because Tyler was only experiencing these things because of him. And as Venus had so helpfully stated, he couldn’t have his cake and eat it too. He needed to be here for Tyler if they were going to get through this. “Hey, let’s go do something to take your mind off this, okay?”
A bright smile came to Tyler’s lips when his brother suggested they go do something together. “Yeah,” he answered, standing up before the words even left his mouth. “What do you wanna do? We can go hiking again. Or we could go lift weights since we did cardio already this week. I know you prefer lifting over cardio.”
It was true – he did prefer lifting over cardio. But he wasn’t sure if he was ready to go down to the basement with his brother again. Of course, it wasn’t like he could avoid it forever. And they’d talked about the last time – his brother wasn’t going to push. He promised. And Skylar just had to believe that Tyler wasn’t lying about that.
Sighing, Skylar pushed himself to his feet. “Let’s lift,” he suggested. “I don’t know if I can handle another seven mile hike.” He started toward the bedroom, needing to get changed out of his street clothes. “You know I hate cardio.”
“I know,” Tyler assured the other man as he followed after him. “You’re the one who wouldn’t let me give you a massage so your muscles could relax.” Completely missing the way Skylar halted in his tracks at that, Tyler strode past him into the bedroom and grabbed his athletic shorts. “I’m learning everything I need to be a physical therapist. I can do it for you, you know?”
For a few moments, Skylar was frozen. Tyler talked about this like it was just another Tuesday – like giving your brother a massage was the most normal thing in the world. “Uh, yeah, I know you can,” he assured the other man, pushing through the rational thoughts that this was wrong and it wasn’t something they should continue. It was something they had to continue. “I’ll let you know if I need it again, okay?”
He didn’t miss the thousand watt smile that lit up Tyler’s face at the idea of being able to give him another massage. But he pushed through that, too. He could do this. He had to do this. For Tyler.