Skylar was shaking as he allowed the water to run over his skin. Tonight had gone too far. Skylar hadn’t been able to get through to Tyler. And if he was being honest with himself, it was starting to scare him. If Tyler continued to push, Skylar didn’t know if he was going to be able to stop him. And he didn’t even want to think about that.
His skin still burned where Tyler’s hands had wandered over him. It was wrong. Everything about this was wrong. Tyler should have never been out with them that night. He hadn’t wanted to go, and Skylar made him. He’d tried to fix his mistake by bringing Tyler back, but it was starting to become glaringly obvious that he may have just made everything worse.
With shaking hands, Skylar rubbed his loofah against his skin. Each sweep became rougher than the last, Skylar’s skin turning an angry shade of red as he continued his assault. It didn’t help. His skin only hurt more, but the memory remained exactly where he’d left it. Tears burned behind his eyes, threatening to fall as he tried to scrub the memory of Tyler’s hands on his body.
Unable to control himself any longer, Skylar threw the loofah against the opposite wall, landing it with a soapy splat before it fell onto the floor. A scream bubbled from his throat, his fists landing hard on the tile shower wall. “What am I supposed to do?” he ground out, his words landing in the empty room. “Just tell me what to do!”
It was no use. There was no one there. The only person who could potentially help him was Venus. But every conversation with her left him with more questions than answers. He was alone. He needed to figure this out on his own. And fast. Before Tyler continued to get worse.
**~~**
The semester was coming to a close. Soon, Skylar would be his all day, every day. Tyler was counting down the hours until Skylar got home from class. Two months without classes. Two months without professors. Two months of just Skylar. Tyler could barely hold in his excitement.
He was just logging out of his own courses when his phone vibrated next to him. Quickly, he snatched it off the counter, eagerly opening the message waiting for him. I just have to wrap up with Coach about my training program for the off season and then I’ll be there. I’m gonna grab dinner on the way. Do you want anything?
Typing out a quick response, Tyler moved to the couch. Skylar hadn’t been eating with him since learning that Tyler didn’t really eat these days. He appreciated that he didn’t have to pretend that he wanted food now that his brother knew the truth. It made everything so much easier. And it allowed Tyler to maintain his attention on other things. Like keeping his hands off Skylar.
Ever since that night in the basement, Tyler hadn’t been able to stop replaying everything in his head. Not the shove. Not Skylar yelling. But the brief moments before that, when Skylar had taken his hand and placed it against his chest. He wanted to get back to that moment. He wanted more.
But Skylar had been…distant since that night. He was still here physically, but he seemed so far away emotionally. And every time Tyler got close to him, the other man seemed to tense. Almost like he was afraid of him. But that didn’t make any sense. They’d already talked about this. Skylar wasn’t leaving. Skylar had stayed. He’d agreed to share the bed. He’d put Tyler’s hand back on his chest. People who were afraid didn’t do those things.
The doorknob rattled when the key was inserted, alerting Tyler that Skylar was finally home. Quickly, he pushed himself off the couch and headed toward the door, eager to greet the other man. “Hey, you’re home,” he smiled widely. “Did you get everything handled with the coach? What’s he got you doing during the off season?”
Skylar barely had time to close the door before his brother was on him. “Hey,” he greeted, taking a step back to create some distance between the two of them. “Nothing too crazy. Just some weight lifting with cardio sprinkled in. And he wants me to do drills with the guys at least once a week until we can practice again.”
Frowning slightly, Tyler asked, “Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose of there being an off season?” If Skylar had to run off and spend time with the football team, he wouldn’t be able to spend time with Tyler. Tyler hated the idea immediately. “I know you love football and everything, but why do you keep doing it? It’s not like you’re going to make a career out of it. Shouldn’t you be leaving the slots open for people who actually wanna go pro? I mean, you’re really good and you’re probably overshadowing the people who want to do this for a living.”
Now, it was Skylar’s turn to frown. “Just because I don’t want to go pro doesn’t mean I shouldn’t play,” he argued. “The coach knows where I stand. He still wants me on the team. He said it’s always good to have a back up plan.”
Unable to help it, Tyler scoffed. “You don’t need a back up plan,” he assured his brother. “You’re smart and determined. You’re going to ace the BAR and you’re going to become a hot shot lawyer. There’s no doubt in my mind.”
“Well, I appreciate the vote of confidence, but I’m keeping my options open,” Skylar countered. “Look, it’s only one day a week. I know why you’re freaking out and you don’t have to. I’ll go early in the morning before it gets too hot and I’ll be back before you even realize that I’m gone.”
Without hesitation, Tyler locked eyes with his brother. “I always realize when you’re gone,” he assured him, deadpan. Again, he took a step closer to Skylar, needing to eliminate the distance he’d put between them. “They won’t realize it if you miss practice. It’s off season.”
Skylar held Tyler’s gaze for as long as he could. Those eyes staring back at him glowed brightly, reminding him that Tyler was never going to be the same. And that was exactly what worried him. “I know,” he answered with a tight smile. “But I’m not going to skip practice. I love football. And I’ve never missed a practice. If I start now, people are going to think something is wrong.”
Gently, Skylar scooted around his brother, walking to the kitchen and tossing the bag of food down on the counter. He could feel Tyler getting close behind him so he turned around, not wanting to be boxed in by the other man.
Tyler didn’t understand why this was a fight. “You’re grieving,” Tyler reminded. “So if you don’t show up to practice over the summer, there’s your excuse. You have better things to do with your time. You’re spending it with your parents so you can be with family during this difficult time. I haven’t even been dead for six months, Sky.”
Skylar was getting angry, “You’re not dead, Ty!” Skylar argued. “And I haven’t been acting like the grieving brother in a while, okay?! Because you’re back! I spend almost every waking second with you! How could I possibly be grieving you?!”
When Skylar yelled at him, Tyler blinked. His brother had just admitted that almost every waking moment of his life was spent with him. Tyler’s heart stumbled in his chest. For a moment, all he could do was stare. “Your life revolves around me?” Tyler asked, needing clarification.
Great, that’s not what he’d meant. “Tyler,” Skylar breathed, feeling exhausted. “That’s not what I meant. I just…I’m always here, okay? When I’m not at school or at practice, I’m right here. Even when I’m not right here, I’m texting you and making sure you’re okay. Because you need me.”
Slowly, Tyler allowed his eyes to roam up and down Skylar’s body. He wasn’t close enough. He needed more. “Does the reason matter?” he asked, taking a step closer. “I do need you. All of the time. Why would you put all of this time and effort into something you don’t even want as a career? If you know I need you…why wouldn’t you choose me?”
Skylar swallowed thickly. “How much more of me do you want, Tyler?” he asked, his voice cracking. “I’ve already uprooted everything. I came to this cabin with you. I ignore every person in my life for you. Everything I’ve done over the last few months have all been for you. Now you want me to give up football – something you know I love – because you don’t want me to leave you for an hour one day a week?”
Again, Tyler stared at him for a long moment. He didn’t see why this was such a problem. “You just said everything you do is for me,” he reminded, head tilting to the side. “Then why is this any different? Sky, I need you. Please?”
Immediately, Skylar shook his head. Tyler wasn’t listening! It was just like in the basement! He was here, but he wasn’t actually hearing what Skylar was saying. “Ty, no, that’s not what I–” he started, only to be cut off by his brother once more.
“It is,” he argued, taking another step forward. Slowly, he pressed his hands against the counter on either side of Skylar’s hips, locking him in place with his eyes as he smiled widely. “You left our home to come to the cabin. You barely see your friends anymore. You stopped spending nights with Jessie.” His voice softened as he leaned in just a bit closer. “You’re already choosing me.”
Realization dawned on Skylar as he listened to his brother rattle off his thoughts. Tyler had been keeping score. Every cancelled plan. Every ignored phone call. Every time Skylar chose him over someone else. Tyler wasn’t just remembering those moments – he was collecting them. Building a case. Convincing himself that every sacrifice proved Skylar was choosing him. “Ty, that’s not–” he tried again, only to be silenced again.
“Isn’t it?” Tyler interrupted quietly. His eyes were shining brighter now, almost like he was amused by this. “You keep saying I’m asking for too much. But every time something happens, you come running back to me.”
Anger and panic swirled inside him. “Because I have to!” he snapped, the words exploding out before he could stop them. Silence swallowed the room. Tyler’s hands slipped off the counter, and the smile on his lips fell away. “Ty, you’re not okay,” Skylar tried to placate as he scrubbed a hand through his hair. “You died. You stopped eating. You don’t sleep. Your heart barely beats. You don’t even hear me when I tell you to stop touching me.”
His voice cracked as he tried to get his emotions under control again. “So, yes,” he continued, “I keep coming back. Because every time I leave, I’m terrified I’m going to come back home and find you gone again!”
Pain blossomed in his chest. Tyler just stared at him. The excitement that had been lighting his face moments ago vanished. His stomach felt hollow. “So…” Tyler started, unable to keep his eyes on his brother. “You’re only here because you pity me?”
This wasn’t going well. “No, Ty, that’s not what I’m saying,” he tried to backtrack. “I don’t pity you. I’m here because I want to be. But I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I’m not scared. I worry about you. After everything, how can I not? You need me. But I need you, too. That’s why we’re in this mess.”
The only thing Tyler locked in on was the fact that Skylar needed him too. So again, he had no idea why his brother was fighting this. “I do need you,” he reminded. “And I’m worried that it scares you.” Biting into his bottom lip, Tyler continued, “You’ve been pulling away from me since the basement. I didn’t hear you when you told me to stop, and I think I scared you. I didn’t mean to though. I was just…it felt so good. When I’m close to you – touching you – my brain can just relax. I didn’t even think. I just felt…alive.”
Hearing Tyler explain how his body worked now had Skylar feeling terrible for his reaction. His brother couldn’t help himself. His body was no longer the same – it craved something even Tyler didn’t understand. The ritual had caused his feelings for Skylar to ramp up to one thousand, and he had no control over it. At least that’s what Skylar had gathered from his conversations with both Venus and Tyler.
But he still felt like he was in the dark. It seemed like no matter what he did, Tyler still needed more from him. And honestly, he wasn’t sure how much more he had to give. “I know,” he whispered. “I know you didn’t mean to scare me. And I’m not scared of you. I’m just…worried about you. What happens next time when I tell you to stop, and you can’t? I don’t want you to get hurt.”
Quickly, Tyler shook his head. “I’m not going to get hurt,” he assured his brother. Because Skylar needed him too. And the only thing that could hurt him was Skylar leaving. His brother had just reiterated that was never going to happen. “And I would never hurt you.” His eyes locked with Skylar’s once more. “You know that, right? You know that I would never hurt you? I love you.”
He knew that Tyler, his brother, would never hurt him. But Skylar wasn’t entirely sure what he brought back was his brother. At least not the same way he had been before the crash. Still, he didn’t want to upset the other man. “I know,” he assured him. “I don’t think you’ll hurt me. I’m not worried you’re going to hurt me. I just…we need to have boundaries, okay? And you need to not cross those boundaries.” Sighing, Skylar scrubbed his hand down his face. “I’ll give you what you need, but you can’t just take what you want, okay? Promise me.”
Without hesitation, Tyler answered, “I promise.” He would make Skylar realize that this is what they both needed. What they both wanted. Sure, it might take a little while to break through Skylar’s barriers, but eventually, he would see things Tyler’s way. As soon as all of the other problems were removed. Like Jessie. “Please…don’t be mad.”
Skylar shook his head, ready to be done with this conversation. He’d been through too much emotionally over the last few days – he wasn’t sure he could take much more of this. “I’m not mad,” he assured the other man.
“Then…can I just…” Tyler started, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. This conversation and the way things had been going the last few days had really taken a toll on him. Tyler needed his brother. He needed to know that they were truly alright and Skylar was going to be there for him like he promised. “I want to touch you.”
Panic rose in his chest at the memory of Tyler touching him downstairs. But he knew Tyler needed this. So, he squashed the feeling down and forced himself to relax. “You can touch me,” he allowed. “But only if I say it’s okay.” There needed to be boundaries in place. Tyler couldn’t just do whatever he wanted. If he allowed his brother to go down that road, there was no telling where it would lead. “And the second I tell you to stop, you stop.”
A wide smile split across Tyler’s lips when his brother gave him permission to touch him. Of course, there were stipulations – rules, even – but some rules were meant to be broken. “Now?” he asked quietly, almost afraid the answer would change. “I can touch you now?”
Every instinct screamed at him not to do this. But every conversation he’d had with Tyler – and every cryptic warning he’d gotten from Venus – pointed to the same conclusion. Tyler wasn’t asking because he wanted to make Skylar uncomfortable. He was asking because this was becoming a need, somehow.
If a few seconds of harmless contact kept Tyler grounded, Skylar could handle that. He could survive it. He had to. Every time Tyler spiraled, it took more and more to pull him back. If this kept him calm – kept him present – then maybe it was worth it.
Sighing, Skylar nodded. “Yes,” he breathed, closing his eyes. “You can touch me now.” The words had barely left his lips before Tyler’s hands were on him, fingers gripping at his hips and tugging him closer to eliminate the distance Skylar had managed to put between them just moments ago.
Slowly, Skylar blinked his eyes open, watching his brother’s glowing blue orbs locked on where his fingers were touching Skylar’s skin. It was the same as it had been in the basement – Tyler was mesmerized by the contact. He sucked in a breath when Tyler’s hand forced its way under his black Henley to press against his chest.
Tyler let out a shaky breath, his shoulders visibly relaxing beneath it. It was almost immediate, as though simply touching Skylar quieted something inside of him. “Your heart is beating so fast,” Tyler breathed, eyes locked on his hand under Skylar’s clothes.
Again, Skylar swallowed. Tyler’s palm rested against his chest, warm despite the coolness of Tyler’s skin. His fingers reached up to press against Tyler’s wrist, needing to know for sure. There was almost nothing there. No frantic pulse. No quickened breathing. Tyler looked calmer now than he had for the last few days. And all it took was touch.
Time seemed to stand still. Skylar’s eyes were locked on the clock behind Tyler’s head, watching the seconds tick by. Every few seconds, Tyler’s fingers would twitch against Skylar’s chest, but otherwise, he seemed fine. Just as he was starting to relax a little bit, the hand that was on his hip moved, sliding upward to press against Skylar’s chin.
“Look at me,” Tyler breathed. There was heat in his eyes when Skylar met his gaze. “I like the way your heart feels under my hand. It’s…grounding. Like I know you’re still here with me. I love you.”
That was the second time he’d said it. Which wasn’t necessarily unusual because they were brothers. They’d always loved each other. But maybe it was different now. Maybe Tyler was telling him something normal and looking for a response from him that would then be taken the wrong way. His brother seemed to be doing that a lot these days. Just in the last ten minutes he’d managed to twist Skylar’s words so badly that he honestly wasn’t even sure what had come out of this conversation. “Yeah,” Skylar muttered instead. “I love you too.”
Another brilliant smile came to Tyler’s lips at Skylar’s admission. Of course he loved him too. That’s why they were here. Why he was back. Why they were in this cabin together. Because Skylar loved him. “See?” he breathed, not missing the way his brother frowned in confusion. “We’re okay now.”
Skylar forced himself to smile as he gently removed Tyler’s hand from his chest. He didn’t let the smile drop until he knew his back was turned to Tyler as he led the way into the living room. And Tyler followed without hesitation. He was calm. Relaxed. Content. As though those few moments of contact had quieted something deep within him.
Slowly, Skylar lowered himself onto the couch. Tyler was no longer touching him, but his body refused to relax. All he could focus on was the one question running through his mind right now: What happens when touching me isn’t enough anymore?