Tyler chewed on his bottom lip as he stared at Skylar’s back. His brother had been studying all morning for some exam that was coming up. Tyler had tried to focus on his coursework, but every time he managed to read more than one paragraph, Skylar would shift in his chair or drag a hand through his hair and Tyler would lose his place all over again.
It was ridiculous. Skylar was just studying.
But Tyler had always liked watching him when he got like this – completely focused. Completely absorbed in whatever he was doing. There was something satisfying about it. Something that made Tyler want to sit close enough to hear the scratch of his pencil against the paper.
Right now, Skylar was giving off that academic energy, and it was doing things to Tyler. He couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. And then the conversation he’d had with Venus last night. She basically told him to do whatever it takes to get Skylar to realize his feelings and move forward with his feelings. But every time he thought about moving forward with Skylar, his mind would circle back to Jessie.
She was always there. Always calling. Always needing something. Honestly, he didn’t remember the woman ever being so needy. Then again, he hadn’t really been hyper-focused on their relationship in the past either.
“You’re staring,” Skylar finally broke the silence, eyes locked on Tyler’s face. “I’m trying to concentrate, and you’re making it hard when I can feel your eyes staring holes into the back of my head.”
Sheepishly, Tyler looked down at his books that he’d all but forgotten about. “Sorry,” he apologized. “I was just…thinking.” He fiddled with the page of his book, trying to remember where he had left off in his reading. He’d been almost three chapters ahead of the class, so it wasn’t like he didn’t know the material – he was just looking for something to do.
Focus now completely averted to Tyler, Skylar leaned forward in his chair, clasping his hands together. “Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked, searching his brother’s face for any sign of distress. The other man had been acting weird since Skylar got home last evening. And if he wasn’t being honest with him, Skylar had no idea how he was going to help him navigate all of these changes to his body and his mindset.
“I’m just distracted,” Tyler explained with a shrug. “Law and Ethics isn’t really one of the classes I particularly enjoy, so it’s hard to keep my focus on the page.” His eyes ticked to Skylar’s lips when the other man flicked his tongue out to drag across his mouth. The action was so simple, yet it had Tyler’s own mouth watering. “I just…I guess I just miss you.”
Frowning deeply, Skylar scooted his chair closer to Tyler’s. “I’m right here,” he stated the obvious, unsure of how Tyler could possibly miss him when he was sitting less than five feet away from him. His brother was refusing to meet his gaze though, so Skylar obviously knew this was upsetting him. “Ty, I’ve been sitting here the whole time.”
Again, Tyler caught his bottom lip between his teeth. “I know,” he assured the other man. It wasn’t that he missed him physically. No, it was more emotional. Like regardless of whether Jessie was physically present, she was always in the room with them. Just a text or a phone call away with some sort of crisis waiting for Skylar to come save the day.
Over the last couple of days, Skylar had gotten into the habit of watching Tyler for signs that something was wrong. Every sigh. Every distant look. Every moment of silence felt significant now. “Then how can you miss me?” Skylar probed. He needed to understand what his brother was thinking – what he was feeling – if he had any chance of fixing this thing.
For a moment, Tyler hesitated. He didn’t know how to explain it. “I don’t know,” he finally admitted. He knew his brother was trying to understand him and he was trying to be supportive, so Tyler was really trying not to keep things from him. But, at the same time, he was trying not to push too hard and make Skylar feel like he was being forced into moving too fast. It was a delicate, fragile line to walk. “I feel like yes, you’re here physically, but emotionally, you’re somewhere else.”
Another deep frown came to Skylar’s face when his brother explained what was going on in his head. “I’m not,” he tried to placate. “Ty, I’m right here.” scooting a bit closer, Skylar pressed his hand against his brother’s shoulder. “I have been here since the moment you got back. Whatever you need. I’m here.”
“Yeah, physically,” Tyler reiterated. “But you’re not here all of the time. And I get it. You have other obligations like school and football. I understand that. I mean, I have other things going on, too.” Sighing, Tyler figured the best approach was just to go for it. “But you also have other things. Like…people. You’re…always being pulled in another direction, and I’m left here alone.”
Skylar’s stomach twisted. He hadn’t thought about it that way. Tyler really was stuck here. Every time Skylar left to go back to football, or school, or his friends – it was a life that was moving forward. But Tyler stayed behind. Tyler didn’t have the luxury of leaving here to go do his own thing. The most Tyler got out was after dark when he would go to his gravesite and he thought Skylar didn’t know he was doing it.
Again, he sighed, not really sure how he could make this better for his brother. Almost as if on cue, his phone rang, pulling his attention away from Tyler and onto the device. Suddenly, he remembered that he’d completely forgotten to call Jessie the night before when he’d made it home. He’d been too worried about getting back to Tyler. “I’m sorry, Ty, I have to take this.”
“Please don’t,” Tyler begged before he could stop himself. Tyler was sitting here laying everything out on the table and still Skylar was going to let Jessie interject. He didn’t understand it! Skylar stayed. Skylar had agreed to the cabin. Skylar had shared the bed. Skylar kept promising they would get through this together. So why did it still feel like he was fighting for every second of Skylar’s attention?!
At Tyler’s plea, Skylar froze. The phone continued to vibrate in his hand. And across from him, Tyler looked like he regretted saying the words almost as soon as they left his mouth. Guilt waged a vicious war inside of Skylar. On the one hand, he had his brother who was begging for him to just be here for him, in every aspect of the words.
And on the other hand, he had his girlfriend whom he’d been severely neglecting since bringing Tyler back. Honestly, he was shocked some days that Jessie was still putting up with him. After all, it wasn’t like he had an explanation for all of the times he’d turned her down when she offered they spend time together. Or an explanation for the night he ran out of her dorm after receiving a text message from Tyler. Hell, now he wasn’t even going to answer the phone to her.
Without another thought, Skylar placed the phone face down on the desk. “Okay Ty,” he breathed, turning his attention back to his brother. “I won’t answer it.” The relief was as clear as day on Tyler’s face once the phone was out of the picture. “What do you need from me?”
Slowly, Tyler shrugged. “I-I don’t know,” he answered. Right now, he was kind of reeling because he’d asked Skylar not to answer the phone, and he hadn’t. It was as simple as that. Ask and you shall receive. “Can we do something together? Like…we could go to the basement and get a workout in, or something? Like the old days?”
Nodding, Skylar pushed himself out of his chair and turned toward the dresser where he’d tucked all of his clothes away. “Yeah, we can do that. Just let me change. You wanna go grab us some water bottles, and I can meet you down in the basement.”
The amusement on Tyler’s face and the pep in his step as he walked out the door was enough to bring a smile to Skylar’s lips. At least his brother was happy again. Quickly, Skylar shucked off his jeans and Henley before he tugged on a pair of black athletic shorts. Once he had his feet stuffed into his sneakers, Skylar grabbed his phone. He shot a quick text message to Jessie just so she knew he was alive before laying it down on the desk once more.
Tyler watched as Skylar loaded the barbell with weight, his muscles rippling and flexing with each movement. They had been down here for almost thirty minutes already, and Skylar was showing no signs of wanting to stop. Not that Tyler was particularly shocked since his brother had been on a gruelling workout schedule through football recently.
“Spot me?” Skylar asked, smiling at his brother as he pushed the weight bench out of the way so he could position himself between the posts of the squat rack. This was nice. It was familiar. He and Tyler had done this a thousand times before the car accident. For a minute, he could almost pretend that everything was normal.
Giddiness coursed through him as he stepped up behind Skylar. “As if you even need to ask,” he chuckled, holding out his arms on either side of Skylar as his brother started his squat set. This was perfect. Skylar’s focus was on nothing other than the workout and Tyler. His phone was upstairs, school was out until Monday, and football practice wasn’t scheduled again until Monday, either. Absolute perfection.
It wasn’t long before his brother had finished his set, Skylar moving toward the corner of the room to grab his water bottle. He watched as Tyler moved toward the dumbbells, making sure to keep an eye on his brother without crowding him. But he had concerns. Like the fact that Tyler didn’t look like he had broken a sweat this whole time. Or the fact that he hadn’t stopped to hydrate in almost thirty five minutes.
Moving toward the dumbbell rack, Skylar picked up the 40lb weights before he headed back to the weight bench. He felt Tyler’s eyes on him as he tucked one foot underneath him, getting into position before starting his bulgarian split squats.
Once he was finished with all three sets, Skylar bent forward, bracing his hands on his knees as he sucked in a deep breath. “Jesus,” he laughed. “I forgot how much I hated leg day.”
Across the room, Tyler reracked his dumbbells. “Really?” he asked. He didn’t think Skylar much cared what muscle they were working. As long as they were doing something his brother had always seemed happy.
Slowly, Skylar looked up at his brother. Still, the other man wasn’t breathing hard. He looked like he hadn’t even broken a sweat. Before the resurrection, Tyler’s face would have been beat red and he’d have been three quarters of the way through his second bottle of water by now. The conversation they’d had just a few days prior rang through his head. Tyler was different now – and he needed to see it for himself.
Without thinking, Skylar pushed himself away from the wall and closed the gap between himself and Tyler. “Here, drink,” he ordered, holding Tyler’s water bottle out to him. As Tyler chugged a few gulps back, Skyler gripped his free wrist, checking the other man’s pulse. Sure enough, it was hovering right around 20 beats per minute. However, as Tyler continued to drink, his heart rate seemed to increase. “Hey, that’s a good sign,” Skylar muttered. “Your heart rate is picking up the more you drink.”
Tyler’s eyes were locked on where Skylar was touching him. It wasn’t anything new. This had been something they’d frequently done in the past during their workouts. But now, it felt different. “It’s not the water,” Tyler argued with a shake of his head. Taking a chance, Tyler allowed his hand to rest on Skylar’s pec, fingers brushing over his sweat-damp skin. “It just does that when you’re close to me.”
His brow furrowed as he released Tyler’s wrist. “What do you mean?” he asked, desperate to understand more about Tyler’s condition now. The more he knew, the more prepared he could be. And maybe he could help him navigate through this. But Tyler didn’t answer right away. And it was apparent that his attention was on something else. Tyler seemed transfixed on where his fingers were pressed against his skin.
He was trying to focus – really, he was. But his brother was right here and he smelled so good – felt so good. “Um…I just…I noticed that when you’re close to me, my body responds differently.” Tyler was mesmerized. His fingers slowly slid down his brother’s chest, his eyes tracking the movements.
“Ty, stop,” Skylar breathed, catching his fingers in his hand. Tyler’s eyes snapped up to meet Skylar’s as soon as he pulled his hand away from his skin. “You can’t…touch me like that.” The look in Tyler’s eyes was intense, the blue iris glowing faintly even in the dim basement light. “Tell me what you’re thinking. What’re you feeling right now?”
What was he thinking? Skylar. What was he feeling? Skylar. But could he tell his brother that? His eyes slowly dropped from Skylar’s own back down to his bare chest. He didn’t want to scare Skylar. But he also didn’t want to lie. Skylar had been very clear about them being open and honest moving forward. “You,” he answered, his voice barely above a whisper.
His fingers curled uselessly at his side. “It’s always you,” he continued, laying it all out on the table for his brother. He swallowed hard as he allowed his eyes to tick back to meet Skylar’s. He could see the worry lying just under the surface. “When I’m trying to study, I think about you. When I’m walking around this place, I think about you. When it’s three AM and my body refuses to shut down for sleep, I think about you.” Tyler pulled his hand from Skylar’s biting into his bottom lip so hard he was surprised he didn’t taste blood. “You’re just…there. All of the time. Even when you’re not.”
The need to be close was almost overwhelming. Every nerve in his body was screaming at him to close the distance between them. To reassure himself that Skylar was really here. He clenched his fists at his side, his body almost vibrating with the need to scoop up the rivulets of sweat beading down Skylar’s chest and abdomen to darken the waistband of his athletic shorts. There was a dull ache in his belly, like he was starving for something that Skylar wouldn’t let him have. “Let-Let me touch you. Please, Sky?”
This was wrong. Brothers didn’t act this way. But how the hell was he supposed to deny Tyler contact when he’d done this to him?! The people you love become the center of your world. Skylar was seeing that Tyler’s world truly revolved around him. And until he could figure out a solution, he needed to help. In any way that he could. “Okay,” he finally answered. “I’m about to do another squat set. You can spot me.”
“No,” Tyler argued almost immediately. “That’s not what I mean.” He was on fire. He couldn’t focus. Why did he think being around Skylar while he was working out was a good idea? He should have known better. “I-I need…I don’t know. I just–please?”
Pain etched Tyler’s features as he tried to explain what he needed. Skylar hated that his brother was going through this. “Okay,” he placated again, gripping Tyler’s arms to keep him grounded here in the moment because it was very evident the other man was about to spiral. Every instinct screamed this was a mistake. But Tyler looked like he was falling apart in front of him. “Relax,” he breathed. His hands slid down Tyler’s arms to his hands. “Look at me.”
Almost immediately, Tyler’s eyes snapped up to meet Skylar’s once more. Skylar was never going to get used to the way his brother’s eyes glowed now. He took a steadying breath as he put Tyler’s hand back on his chest. “Like this?”
Like always, as soon as he was this close to Skylar, Tyler felt better. “Yeah,” he mumbled, nodding. Skylar’s muscles jumped under his hands, making Tyler want more. Slowly, he reached up with his other hand, his fingers gently sliding along Skylar’s abdomen. This was better. The ache in his body disappeared, Tyler completely mesmerized by his hands on his brother’s bare skin.
Without thinking, Tyler moved closer. The step he took forced Skylar to take a step instinctively back. Before he knew it, Skylar’s back was pressed against the wall and Tyler was invading his space. “This feels good,” he whispered, not even really speaking to Skylar, but making a statement nonetheless. But he wanted more. Slowly, he leaned in, lips brushing against his brother’s neck.
He realized his mistake almost as soon as he made it. Skylar tensed up, his hands gripping Tyler’s shoulders hard before he pushed him back. “Ty, stop!” he yelled, unable to control himself. His chest rose and fell with his rapid breaths, his heart nearly pounding out of his chest. He’d been fine with the hand – they touched each other all of the time. But then Tyler added his other hand. And the way his fingers were moving over his skin, almost worshipping him – it was too much.
But the way his brother then seemed to lose control? That’s what freaked Skylar out the most. He saw the way Tyler stared at his own hands on his skin, like he was in a trance. And when he started stepping closer, Skylar tried to stop him. He’d gently said his name, tried to pull him from his trance-like state, but it hadn’t worked. So when Tyler took another step, Skylar tried again, this time firmer. But again, it hadn’t worked.
And before he knew it, Skylar’s back was pressed against the wall. He was trapped. Again, he tried to gently say his brother’s name. He’d even gone as far as to say please, but Tyler wasn’t listening. Then came the lips, and he just lost it. “You-You can’t do that, Ty!” he tried to explain. “When I say stop, it doesn’t mean push harder.”
“I-I’m sorry,” Tyler apologized, shaking his head. “I didn’t mean to. I just…I was just touching you. I didn’t even hear you tell me to stop.” And he hadn’t. All he’d been focused on was how good Skylar’s skin felt under his fingers. And then he just wanted more. He hadn’t even realized what he was doing until Skylar shoved him.
His hands were shaking as he ran his fingers through his hair. “Dammit, Ty,” he breathed, letting out a shaky breath. Slowly, he turned toward the wall, pressing his hands against the cool concrete. What the hell was he going to do? Tyler hadn’t even realized what he was doing until it was already done. And he was willing to believe that. Because when Skylar was looking at him – talking to him – it was like the lights were on, but no one was home. And that could get potentially dangerous.
When he felt a hand on his shoulder, Skylar couldn’t help the way he jumped. “I just…I need a minute, Tyler, okay?” he asked, squeezing his eyes closed. He needed to calm down. He needed to regroup and figure this out before it escalated again. “Listen…I’m going to shower, okay? I’m not leaving, Tyler. I am just going to take a shower. And then we can do something after, okay?”
Although Tyler didn’t want Skylar to leave, he didn’t push. He wasn’t an idiot. He could see that his brother was about to break. And the last thing he wanted to do was push harder and scare him. He’d already gone too far. “Okay,” he mumbled, nodding slightly. “I’m gonna stay down here. I’ll be up in a little bit.”
As he watched Skylar take the stairs two at a time, the dull ache in his chest returned. Anger bubbled up inside of him and before he could stop it, that anger boiled over. His hands curled around the dumbbell tree tower, shoving hard and sending the weights scattering across the floor. He fucked up. He fucked up bad. And he didn’t know how he was going to fix it.